Sheeple

Pain is described as a necessary experience. They say it shapes a person, builds character and transforms your soul. If you truly believe in God, you would strive on, continue to have faith, despite the pain. I guess that supposedly proves resolve and God will reward you accordingly.

So nobody thinks these tests are sadistic and a perversion of his doctrines? I guess if you want to and need to make sense of something, no matter how ludicrous, you will. What about the ones who fail? Fuck them since they must have lacked something and hence are undeserving of glory? Remember this, this God. He is the one who decides and guarantees, that while I'm not the first, I'm certainly not the last.

Plenty more sheep out there to play with.

On the flip side, perhaps he doesn't exist. Mind=blown.

Why

This is a question everyone wants answered. I know some around me will need it, so this is purely for their benefit.

- l no longer hope, not one bit, not at all
- I no longer trust, divine or not
- I no long care for betterment
- I didn't convert but I abandoned my faith
- I stand for something and have concluded I won't sit
- There is no longer need, not of me or for me
- There is no redo, no reset button
- Not everything can be fixed and not everything should be fixed
- Having or extending joy is improbable
- Before I harm, its better I go
- The abuse has to stop and it starts with me
- Everybody hurts, everybody pays
- My departure eventually liberates all
- I am lethargic, too little, too late
- This is the only way I can get home

Let me go. It is not all sad, there is more, much more.
So please, let me go.

One year prep

Its been about a year since I started thinking and planning this. During that time, I've gotten a lot of my affairs together, resolved and executed all the minute details of my life. There were also a lot of re do's and trials along the way before getting to where I am now. I want the transition to be as smooth as possible so I've taken my time in getting things exactly the way I like.

Everyone needs to understand that this is a planned event, not hurried, not rash. Nothing acute, nothing extraordinary, no one thing is the spark. It is a conscious undertaking in a disciplined manner.

No mas

I gave you easy, but easy was too hard for you.
You groaned, you hissed, you schemed.
In time I relented, I'm only human.
Betrayed myself, only to be betrayed.
Now I wield a sword, strict and absolute,
To punish by giving you,
What you asked for.
Because hard must be easy,
Since easy was too hard for you.
And that goes for everyone else.

One

I know I have the mettle for one good thrust. At the most, that is all I have.
My courage and propensity allows me only that.

There is no room for failure. I have one good one in me and its gotta connect.
Its gotta matter. Its gotta work. Its gotta be enough.

I know I have one in me, one but not two.

Its ours and they want it

Our soul is their prize. The two sides tug at you all your life, both trying to win you over, both covet the ultimate prize - your soul. We're indoctrinated to flee and fight the devil, at the same time beg and please god to have our souls to keep. Does that make sense? The way I see it, from a logical point of view, its ours, ours to give, and both of them want it. Why, I do not know, but I do know they sure try damn hard to beg and please us to get it.

While we assume and believe that the devil is the liar, why would we not apply that same critical thinking to the god entity? How much have you been brainwashed?

Maybe they are the ones who need to prove they are worthy of my soul.

Maybe its just two sides, neither one particularly good or bad, neither one devil or god.