I've officially stopped the search for my legs. Stupid analogy without measurable results. Another nonsensical undertaking in hoping and wishing.
That's what humans do though - finding false meaning in luck and wonder. Wish for something enough, you'll soon create your own sandcastles.
Since the search has ended, I guess the name of this blog is pretty ridiculous. I'm not gonna bother doing anything about it. Its a new beginning, the beginning of the end.
So I came to hate life because everything done here under the sun is so troubling. Everything is meaningless--like chasing the wind.
Ecclesiastes 2:17
I feel like I've become more enlightened now. I know exactly what I want and I have no doubts anymore. No ifs or buts. Its a realization that I've now truly understood and accepted. Unbeknownst to most, and mislabeled by others, its not weakness, its not anger, fear or misery.
It is a life choice, a conscious decision, and if you believe, exercising my free will. Forfeiture of my existence on this plane should not merely be construed in negativity. If you truly have an open mind, you can begin to understand that.
A truer epiphany I have not seen.
What have I really done to reap this? I am not a rotten person. I have not maimed or killed, I have always tried to be fair, be respectful, be humane. Therefore, I am confused, utterly lost, as to this orchestrated predicament that I suddenly find myself. My pain and suffering stems from a consequence of a situation, one which is almost calculated in such a way as to unravel any sane human being. Its a miracle, except its job is to architect your demise, in this case, mine.
Why was I chosen for this? What did I do or not do? Is there sense to be made or is it just a drive-by occurrence? Perhaps there is no meaning to it, and its just an exercise in futility to try to search for one. Or maybe the lesson to be learnt is that reasons don't have to exist.
A random collision of events, chaos theory, pure dumb luck, absolute entropy. Such is life.
