To finally sum it all up, all I can say is I am just sad. That eventually this is my only choice. That this would be all I have. That its not fair. That all the pieces fall together to lead me down this one narrow path, with one door, one end. That I have to go so the ones left behind can live.
Having understood my role makes it easier to accept the plan but it still makes me sad and mad, that at best, this is my eventual payoff.
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