Two out of three

I've more or less decided on the method and location. The final and most tricky element is the time. While a major determinant might be emotions, I'd really like to have some justifiable control over the actual execution period.

Emotions are dramatic and impetuous, things I'd like to avoid if possible.

Secondary thought - if you want something bad enough, stop praying, get up, and go do/get it yourself. I've been praying for the past year, daily and nightly so I finally decided I'm gonna actually do something about that soon.

Lie

The greatest lie the devil ever told was that god didn't exist.

The greatest lie god ever told was that all evil was from the devil.

Deficiency

Why do the inept continue to live?

It is extremely peculiar and beguiling to see the unfortunate work so hard to live, to survive so they can continue in that path of almost self condemnation. They most certainly do not relish the cruel hand they've been dealt and yet they trudge on. No, its not brave determination. Silly optimism is not at work here. I believe its a genetic or psychological deficiency of some sort. Just like animals don't kill themselves - no suicide(whales are mammals). Like them, these people are just deficient, less evolved if you will. Instead, they breed, leading to even more faulty shells, zombified but blissfully ignorant. If you think about it, the notion of having to stick it out till you drop dead from natural causes regardless, is illogical. If it leaks, you patch it, if its rotten you dump it, if it hurts, you stop it. It makes no sense then why in regards to our mortality, would we not follow this same principle. I believe that to be a most compelling argument.

Getting impatient and idiots will stay idiotic

I must get my stuff sorted out. I know what I need, I just have to find it. Don't know how much time I'll really have so I have to make sure I got my tools when the time comes.

Something big coming? I know what it is, but the poor suckers don't. Silly beings won't know what hit them. I'd like to see which idiot'll be the first to say "things happen for a reason". Except I won't be there. Jokes' on everyone.

Overcoming fear

This is the final thing I gotta do. When all is done and ready, the one final hurdle is overcoming fear. You don't get to come back so better be sure. I have found that the best way is to not think about it. That way you don't allow the fear to brew or grow. Fear won't have any power so long as you don't feed it. Best concentrate on the task and that's it. Nothing else.

Actually, there is one other thing I still need - a partner, gotta find one.

Loved her too

You came to love and be loved, but I didn't know you, so I didn't love you. I don't naturally like, love even less. You were perplexing, seemingly distant, foreign, uncommunicative. I didn't understand you.

Then things started to change. I know its real because it came through time, not something fleeting. When I looked into your eyes, I saw a familiar soul. There was a time when I held you because of responsibility, but now, I hold you because of love.

For the times when I was coarse in temperament or lacking gentleness, I sincerely apologize. Sometimes we know not what we do, misguided by our authority, blindsided by our personal vanities. I can't take back the mistakes and it seems I won't be able to right the wrongs. This will have to do.

I am sorry, my baby. You should know that I would lay down my life for you in a heartbeat. You should know that you are indeed one of the very few things in my life that I know is undoubtedly good. I shall always miss you.

I love you, Emma.

Loved her

I loved her the moment I took her in my arms. She was too small, too little to understand what was happening. I covered her with a soft cardigan and gently placed her on my thigh while I made the long drive home. She slept quietly, never stirring.

She was pensive for the first couple of days, shying away, preferring to just observe me from a distance. But that didn't last, she was soon climbing all over, exploring her new surroundings. Running, jumping, playing, ...then loving. She might not have a voice but you'd be surprised at her elegance and eloquence. The connection was palpable, one look, one stare, was sufficient, a visceral understanding, between man and friend, not beast.

We may never meet again but I shall never forget you. You too, are one of the very few things in my life, that was right, and undoubtedly good. I shall always miss you.

I love you, Peanut.