A little different

I read about others and most of them want to just die but not actually kill themselves. They seek to cease to exist but are not really suicidal.

I'm quite the opposite. I don't want to die but I'd really like to kill myself. It probably makes little sense but I'd like to kill myself but not die. I think of this daily without fail. How I should stab myself so I can kill myself. The main problem is after that comes death. After death, nothing.

Flight not fight

Inescapable. Ran as far as I could, as fast as I could. Still I got sucked back in. Still I return to start. Still here, still stuck, still cuffed. Like glue it sticks, grimy, sweaty and pungent.

I need to find escape, to cleanse myself, I have to go.